I have been a really good editor this year. I have done all the things that I was supposed to do -- and then a bit -- I didn't have any fights (that I didn't think I could win), and I played in the Internet sand box like a polite engineer. And I have used all my IEEE units correctly, even when I disagreed with them.

But now Christmas is coming, Santa, and I have a few problems I need to take care of; one of the biggest is recycling. As you know one of my colleagues (Lee Goldberg) is really heavy into Green Engineering (and thank you for the pre-Christmas copy of his book -- I'll post a review of it for you after my next airplane ride) and I just plain feel guilty about leaving things lying around. For example, Santa, I have a drawerful of commas that I have downloaded and not used; I have several hundred split infinitives that simply have to be taken care of; and the overflow in my Recycle Bin is real ugly. Yes, I know I could just take care of it with a delete, but would that 1.8 GByte really not feel a thing? Isn't there anybody out there who could use these things?

Some other items that I need to take care of too, Santa, include moving my office printer to take advantage of the IrDA port on my laptop. But adding more paper will then involve some awful contortions on my part in wriggling through an 18 inch gap and with Thanksgiving's feast already loaded and the Christmas feast in pre-boot stage I'm not sure I'm going to be able to. But I know I must become a user before I am able to say that I don't use Bluetooth; you know how it is, Santa, when are you going to put GPS on the sleigh and stop this celestial navigation nonsense? I mean people have been trying to get things to Mars safely with that old-fashioned stuff and look where it hasn't got them.

When I do all these things I really will be 1999-Christmas compliant. I understand that even more people are using the Internet to shop for Christmas, so seeing as how I work there myself -- even though I don't see anything but green when I look out from my cyber capsule -- I thought it best that you get my Christmas wish list the same way. It's obviously a very easy medium for a spy like you (you have been in the business a long time, eh!) to keep an eye on so that you don't duplicate presents that moms and dads are buying -- though that must make your just-in-time inventory problems really big -- so here it is.

I would like, Santa, pllllllleeeeeaaaasssse:

More new analog engineers in the world. Doesn't matter what they look like or where they are from, or what gender they are or how tall they are. Just more, please.

Some kind of mentoring program for those poor digital engineers who have to face doing an analog design; they write to me a lot, Santa, and I would really like to be able to get them help in their neighborhoods. You know how it is, because sometimes in your line of work you understand that having ground in the wrong place can be a real problem, but experience tells you where it is or needs to be. They have problems like that a lot, and a lot have trouble counting above 1, and using ratios. And, oh dear, when we need to use dBs there are all sorts of difficulties -- it's like newspapers and their understanding of the Richter scale.

A complete revamp (surgical is fine) of all managers who simply do not understand the nature of the work they are managing, or who scream just because screaming sounds good to them, or who react to their bosses' demands by blaming the engineers. All managers in all high-tech companies need to have full Dilbert libraries available for their employees to select on an ad hoc basis for their doors as a "message of the week."

Please also, Santa, send us all some more time away from our desks and benches. Remove all compulsory unpaid overtime, do not let us be fired at the end of a project, do not let them coyly "let us go" because we are more than 40, do not let them fire us because they got another H1-B employee.

I think you can do all these things for me, Santa, while telecommuting; should be easy to fix in software (oops, promised not to use that line this year) or at least with a couple of quick telexes -- when are you going to get a fax? And, Santa, if you do all these things for me one of the New Century resolutions I make will be to remove even more Brit-isms from my work -- or I'll try very carefully for a fortnight (sorry, for a couple of weeks.)

Paul McGoldrick

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