Engineer = Pyromaniac
by Darren Ashby

Electrical engineering was the second choice as my life’s work. The original career I intended to pursue was some type of work involving high explosives. Sadly however, the only work available was deep in the state of Nevada where the only form of entertainment, if you are under the age of 5, is to go into the backyard and play chase with the snakes through the sage brush. Another of my goals in life was a family including "ankle biters" that would have to go through that age of 0 to 5 under my roof, and I desired them to obtain an education in something besides reptile pursuits. This quandary left me no other choice but to pursue another career.

I don’t think I’m alone in this respect, I was recently eating lunch with a couple of colleagues when this subject came up. One of my coworkers agreed to go on record, if we changed his name, so we’ll call him Dilbert. He said that one time while he was talking with some friends, he brought up an experience he thought they might have in common. He said, "do you know that numb, stinging sensation that you get in your fingers when you didn’t throw the firecracker away from you fast enough?" I was nodding to myself and so was Wally (the other coworker we were eating lunch with), and I’ll bet most of you reading this are too. Dilbert pointed out that all his non-engineer friends when asked this question look at him dumbfounded. They have no idea what sensation he is referring to. Based on this extensive research, I am forced to conclude that all engineers are pyromaniacs at heart.

Now since you may not believe this, I have created a short quiz. If you answer yes to more than half of these items then, Gunter glieben glauchen globen...

Quiz

• Do you sit fascinated in front of the TV watching airplanes explode and burst into flames on TLC? (A good tactic is to hide the remote so your family can’t change the channel.)   • Is the campfire more than just a place to get warm? (It also melts plastic forks into cool shapes, and turns marshmallows into mini incendiary bombs.) • Have you ever made a bomb with vinegar, baking soda, and a 2-liter pop bottle? • Do you know what a potato gun is? • Did you know that hair spray will double as a blow torch in a pinch? (It also makes a good propellant in a potato gun.) • Did you know that flour is highly explosive in certain conditions? • Do you know what you have to do to flour to get it to explode? • Have you ever kick-started a campfire with a little gasoline? • Do you add lighter fluid to pretreated quick-start charcoal briquettes? (Just to get ‘em goin’ good and quick!) • Do you know more than 5 ways to start a campfire?

If you have a favorite experience with the rapid oxidation of a substance, please email me. We’ll do up a top ten list and post it for all to see that to be a good engineer takes the heart of a pyromaniac. Don’t worry, names will be changed to prevent unwanted infamy. But, I get to choose the names!

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to encourage explosive use. Please don’t blow anything up, you could get seriously hurt and also in serious trouble. These days, things like this are not highly looked upon.

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